Life in the Locker Room

In my mother's house, there were rules about language. You couldn't just go around saying whatever you wanted to say. I wasn't even allowed to say "heck," "darn," or heaven forbid, "dern." (I've told you I'm from the country. People in the country say "dern.") Mom dropped the ax on "ain't" and any other grammatically sloppy word. There were rules, I'm telling you. Rules.

So I've got rules, too. Policies. Family law. The thing is:  NO. ONE. LISTENS. OR. CARES.

This is a problem on many levels.

Some days I feel like I live in a men's locker room. How could this have happened? I'm so girly. I watch hairstyle tutorials. I light a candle beside the computer just to pay bills. I have toile window treatments for crying out loud.

No matter. My girliness is no match for these boys. Do you know how many things boys can turn into bathroom talk? Weh-heh-hell ... let me just give you a few examples.

1.  Joshua wrote to President Obama a few months ago and received a letter in return. He dashed back from the mailbox, finally finding a reply after weeks of waiting. He carefully opened the letter, stood up tall and read it aloud, beaming with pride. It was filled with patriotism and optimism and glory and ended with something like, "Young people like you give me hope for the future. Always strive for excellence, and you will make your nation a better place."The rest of us were basking in our love of God and country when Jacob flatly announced, "It sounded like he said, 'urination.'"

2.  Sam likes to sleep on the top of his bed wrapped in a blanket so he doesn't have to make his bed every day. He just tosses the blanket in the closet. Efficient? Lazy? Whatever. Anyway, by the time I wake him in the morning, he has always pulled the blanket over his head so that he's completely shrink-wrapped in it. The other morning I walked in and said, "How's it going, Shroud of Turin?"

I don't know why I said this. Sometimes I say really dorky things.

Later Sam asked, "Mom, what did you call me this morning?"
"Shroud of Turin."
"Oh. I thought you called me a shredded turd."

This was followed by gut-busting laughter interspersed with "Shredded turd! Bwah-ha-ha!" Times three. For fifteen minutes. At least.

3. Joshua said to me the other day, "Mom, we're learning about poetry and rhyme at school, so I made up a rhyme. Want to hear it?" "Sure," I replied. "Okay," he said. "Here it is: Come on over to the decapitation station where you can have a celebration of your nation and enjoy the sensation of urination and constipation!"He was so proud. So proud.

Someone please tell me this will eventually stop. Please.

A Few Things That Make Me Happy

 Healthy treats in tiny dishes

 Jacob dressed for Animal Day

(and Scout's little face peering through the storm door)

 Toys in random places

Backyard blooms

... and those that make their way inside.

Simple Display for Love Notes

Are you up at night wondering what to do with those little love notes you find from time to time? I know. It puts us in a  quandary. Today at The High-Heeled Homeschooler, I show you a simple solution to your love note problem! Check it out here!

A Laundry Room Conversation

Joshua: "Mom, I love you."

Me:  "I love you, too, Son."

Joshua: "You know how sometimes I get angry at you--because I'm not perfect--and sometimes you get angry at me?"
Me:  "Yes, I do."
Joshua: "But I'll always love you no matter what happens, even though I get angry sometimes."
Me:  "I'll always love you no matter what, too, Joshua."

I certainly will.

How Does It Feel to Be a Christian?

When I started my homeschooling blog, I decided to fill Surprising Joy with more faith-based content. Faith, after all, is the defining characteristic of my life, God being the immovable center around which everything else adjusts. Yet somehow, when I start to write about my faith, I'm always afraid it will come out sounding like a cartoon. I worry that I'll conjure up images of a flannel-board Jesus. That's why I didn't even publish an Easter post. The words just kept falling flat.

Still, I think part of my life's purpose is to share my faith through writing, so I've decided to throw caution to the wind and just start getting these thoughts down.

As I was washing the dishes yesterday, I was thinking about what it feels like to be a Christian. I'm thinking specifically of feelings here--not necessarily convictions or beliefs. I thought I would share with you some of what it feels like--at least to me--to be a Christian in America in 2012:

• I feel like a cultural hybrid; part 2012, part 30 A.D.
• I feel like I've discovered the secret of the universe and the meaning of life, but I have no idea how to share it without sounding crazy.
• I feel most at home when I'm at church.
• I often feel like a bit of a misfit because of my faith.
• I don't feel safe with or in agreement with every person who calls himself or herself a Christian.
• I wrestle with many issues--Can Christianity be the only way to God? Is hell a literal place or a metaphorical one? How do I stand with conviction about right and wrong according to Scripture and still not be judgemental? How should faith in Christ affect my politics?, etc.
• I feel obligated to think through these issues, since Jesus said I'm to love God with all of my heart, all of my soul, all of my strength, and all of my mind (Mark 12:29-31).
• I feel deeply at peace.
• I feel deeply loved and accepted by God.
• I feel integrally connected to the Church--both the historical church and the global church.
• I feel like the smallest task has eternal value if done in a spirit of gratitude and worship. That makes emptying the dishwasher twice a day a wee bit more meaningful.
• I feel like I'm passing on deep, spiritual truth to my children, which will affect their lives in a positive way forever.
• I feel that, because of Christ, joy is a deeper reality for me than pain.
• I often feel cowardly and afraid to say what I really think.
• I feel like I should have all the spiritual answers before I presume to offer any answers. Ridiculous, but true.
• I feel both propelled and anchored by the daily wisdom and insight I gain from my relationship with God.
• I feel confused sometimes about what loving my neighbor as myself actually means.
• I feel ill-equipped for this godly life I'm trying to live. (This is why substitutionary atonement and justification-by-faith are precious doctrines to me.)
• I feel like the world is getting bigger and more beautiful every year.
• I feel like my heart is getting bigger and more beautiful every year.
• I feel annoyed with myself for still caring about material things and how toned my thighs and arms are.
• Sometimes I feel like God isn't there, even though I believe he is.
• I feel like a hypocrite when I yell at my kids or say something unkind about someone else. Ouch.
• I feel just as swayed by advertisements and the media as anyone--though I think my understanding of Scripture helps me see through a lot of the lies they contain.
• I feel ultimately safe, though I know life always includes suffering.
• I feel upside down and inside out in this world.
• I feel really, really awake in my inner self--I'm not sure how else to describe it.
• I feel small and big, insignificant and significant, all at the same time.

I'd love to hear how you feel about being Christian, Muslim, Jewish, Agnostic, Atheist ... anything! I'd also be happy to answer any questions you may have. All respectful comments are welcome.

Duncan Africa Guitars

Here my friend Ben tells about how these guitars are helping change the world!

World's Cutest Feet

Behold the feet of my sweet little neighbor Ava.

 She said, "I forgot to wear these on Easter, so now I'm wearing them on the days after."

Last night when I went in to kiss the older boys, I heard peaceful, eerie music drifting through the dark room. They had hijacked my laptop and set up Grooveshark. I leaned down, squinted and read the song title: "Serenade of Water."

Sam said matter-of-factly, "Mom, this song is from the Legend of Zelda. It's 'Chardonnay of Water.'"

Nice.

When Jacob pretends to be Link, I get to be Princess Zelda.
I like being a princess with a sword. Yes, I do.

My Latest Guilty Pleasure

Hairstyle tutorials on You Tube. Wendy's site my favorite.

Our Homeschool Hybrid

Today at The High-Heeled Homeschooler, I talk about what it's like to have two children in public school and one at home. Come on over and read all about it!